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A MODERN AND HOLISTIC
HYBRID APPROACH
TO COACHING
The Integrated Self is like a healing murmuration
of the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical bodies.
A SELF THAT IS
HEALTHIER.
HAPPIER.
HARMONIOUS.
I'm so glad you're here. My mission is to serve your wholeness by helping you reconnect to your true Self, update and integrate your stories and disconnected parts, embrace your uniqueness, feel good in your skin, and live your most authentic, heart-led, lit-ass life! I believe in you and I know how worthy and incredible you are.
Incredible Human,
Breathe.Receive.Reconnect
Get my restorative
10-minute guided
meditation
No spam, EVER!
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Integration is A critical and often missing STEP on the healing path
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"The path to recovery starts with restoring
the connection to your true Self."
~Gabor Maté
Integration is...
an ongoing, exponential, and evolving process of feeling, allowing, wondering, accepting, softening, surrendering, and relaxing into the truth of who we are, and the totality of our humanity.
It's a holistic and sacred communion between the aspects and elements of our four bodies; the mental, the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual.
It's a state of harmony, synchrony, flow, and wholeness created by the resolution and reunion of our energies, inner conflicts, and our known and newly emerging parts.
That all sounds lovely but why do I need that?
Because without it, our fragmented selves are living life on a disappointing and frustrating hamster wheel. Integration is the part typically missing from traditional self-help, spiritual, and personal development work, and that is exactly why you still feel stuck year after year in the same areas of life. Integration is the necessary process that brings it all together. It's the holistic, compassionate, embodiment piece of the puzzle that enables your healing and transformational change to finally stick.
Areas in need of integration:
• Our abandoned and unknown parts [our shadow]
• Our masculine and feminine energy [integrated polarity]
• Values and spiritual beliefs
• The different regions of our brain
• Unprocessed emotions
• Triggering material from trauma wounds
• Yin/Yang
• Being and Doing
• Aspects of our imagination
• Personal archetypes
• Our experience of the world around us [collective trauma]
• Outdated stories, rules, and belief systems
• The head and the heart [embodiment]
• Identities [such as "good girl/bad girl"]
• Inner conflicts
Why are we so disconnected?
We have become desensitized to the guiding nourishment of the body's intelligence.
We are all born with the survival needs of attachment [dependence upon others] and authenticity [the connection to Self]. But parents are often not equipped to deal with a child's authentic expression regarding needs, feelings, and emotions. If these are met with rejection, harsh judgment, punishment, and so on, then we learn early on that in order to get love and attachment, [in order to survive], we must suppress and abandon our needs and authenticity. Furthermore, when this type of empathic attunement is missing in our early years we become wired up with feelings of unworthiness and a sense that something is fundamentally wrong with us.
This is when the disembodied, dissociative process begins. In order to fit in and belong in our families, communities, and society, we conform and adapt, fragmenting ourselves and moving further and further away from Self-connection. Deep healing comes when we begin the reconnection process and tend to the inner conflict between our authentic Self and our conditioned self.
Does it sometimes feel like your nervous system is stuck in high school?
Dear
Amazing
Human,
Contrary to what the self-help industry wants you to believe, you are not broken. You do not need fixing.
Maybe you've been at this 'personal development game' for years and you wonder, where are my results? Why does this harsh inner critic still lurk in the shadows waiting for every opportunity to fill me with fear, self-hate, and doubt? Why does it feel as though I've been on a hamster wheel chasing some elusive goal of "feeling fixed"? Why do I have the same issues, intrusive thoughts, insecurities, and self-destructive ways even after all this work I've done?
I completely understand, and I get it because this was my story too, and, it was never our fault! There is no need to pathologize your difficulties, further shame yourself, or judge your tender, fragile humanity. Your desire to feel better is so understandable. Your intention and willingness to do this work is a brave and commendable choice. But those practices are operating under old, incomplete, and sometimes harmful models and paradigms that do not provide lasting transformational healing or change.
These outdated patriarchal teachings focus mainly on performance and will-power-driven cognitive directives. They tend to exclude the spiritual and critical Yin elements we need to get out of our noisy heads and reconnect with our 'lost' Self. We need to move and integrate our awareness, embody our innate wisdom, connect with abandoned parts, and learn to self-soothe our nervous system so that real, sustainable transformation can occur.
What is it that needs to move and integrate?
So much of our "stuckness" relates to the unknown, unresolved, and stored energy of wounding and trauma in the body. This leads directly to unexplainable mysterious physiological problems, emotional and energetic blockages, and psychological issues. This is why we need to move and integrate our thoughts, emotions, breath, spirit, voice, gestures, and physiological patterns.
While awareness is important, it's usually not enough to liberate us from the imprinting of difficult childhood experiences or deeply rooted trauma. It takes the addition of an embodiment and compassionate integration practice to consciously shift into feelings of wholeness, safety, feeling good in our skin, new neural pathways, and improved energy flow between the body and mind.
The modern, holistic paradigm that I use [and what has worked for myself and the amazing humans I've had the privilege to work with] is a hybrid approach that incorporates important aspects of various modalities including experiential psychotherapies, neuroscience, psychology, behavioral science, energetics, biology, mindfulness, and spirituality. This potent combination facilitates a level of embodiment and integration that makes all the difference for exponential healing and sustainable change to occur.
But I don't have any trauma!
Trauma can be loosely defined as the lasting impact an event or experience has on the functioning of our nervous system. To that end [and at the very least], we all have some level of early trauma such as attachment or developmental trauma which affects our ability to stay integrated and present.
Traumatic imprinting can happen in so many ways that we are unaware of. As children, one or both of our parents might have mishandled a challenging moment leaving us alone with a negative emotion that is overwhelming to a child. To survive such moments we form survival and coping strategies which if left unchallenged, lead us into unhealthy adult patterns.
The painful feelings we carry such as shame, worthlessness, unlovability, “not enough-ness,” feeling damaged, broken, or fundamentally flawed, are all rooted in some type of emotional, developmental, or physical trauma and no one is completely exempt from this. Our stories and specific wounding might differ, but the human mind, body, brain, and spirit, all metabolize trauma in similar ways. Rather than believing there's something wrong with us, it's important to understand what happened to us.
"Working with Debra, I learned how to really listen to myself and honor the whispers inside me long before they became screams." ~ Aimee Shelton
The Integrated Self
is a journey back to wholeness and connection;
a reclamation and embodiment of the "lost Self".
AMAZING THINGS START HAPPENING WHEN WE BEGIN THE PROCESS OF INTEGRATION...
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Better overall physical and mental health.
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Creates the foundation for confidence, courage, truth, and authenticity to flourish.
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Greater ability to self-regulate our nervous system.
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A true understanding of our value and worth.
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Creates an essential, safe inner container that enables us to heal our emotional trauma.
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Healthier, more loving relationships, deeper intimacy, and greater passion.
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Better sleep and a strengthened immune system.
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Creates an embodied felt sense of safety.
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We stop being vague and become direct.
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Reduced stress along with a greater ability to effectively handle stress and difficulties.
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Discernment between healthy inner critique and unhealthy inner judgment and shaming.
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A reclamation of voice, sovereignty, and wholeness.
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It's the antidote to fear's grip on our hearts.
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Enhanced ability to feel the embrace of genuine, embodied self-love.
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Greater connection to our deep inner knowing — our intuition.
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Dramatically increases our capacity for empathy and our feelings of connectedness.
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It's vitality-inducing and resilience-strengthening.
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It's the path to deeper meaning and purpose.
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Perfectionism softens and turns towards acceptance.
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It's what enables us to feel the most joy and happiness.
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Increased acceptance of one's body, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
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Increased acceptance and compassion for the humanity that pulses through us.
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We disentangle from unconscious patterns that no longer serve.
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We discover our body's wisdom.
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We cultivate patience, expansiveness, and spaciousness.
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Increased capacity for self-expression, creativity, connection, and aliveness
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Nurtures the ability to be comfortably alone with ourselves and the inherent loneliness of life.
Some of the common signs that integration is needed are:
◯ Lots of harsh, judgmental, inner critic thoughts about self and others.
◯ An inability to trust yourself [you often need others' opinions].
◯ Frequent frustration over repetitive and unsatisfying choices.
◯ An immovable sense of anxiety.
◯ Difficulty speaking up and being vulnerable.
◯ Difficulty expressing anger [conflict avoidant].
◯ Patterns of abusive relationships.
◯ Trouble setting and/or upholding boundaries.
◯ Feelings of unworthiness.
◯ People-pleasing tendencies.
◯ A pattern of perfectionism.
◯ Feelings of self-hate.
◯ A lack of self-awareness especially regarding feelings and needs.
◯ Frequent illnesses.
I will guide and support you along your personal and unique path into *embodied-self-awareness* which establishes the strongest foundation for integration.
You are here
for reasons that can no longer be ignored!
Hi, I’m Debra. I’m a trained and certified life, love, relationship, and neurodivergence coach. But you might also call me a radical self-love ally, an inner critic adversary, a deep listener, a cheerleader for humanity, a truth junkie, an advocate for vulnerability, and a loving space holder for learning, growth, hope, and healing. I believe we require less fixing and more accepting, less perfectionism and more good-enough-ness, less self-criticism, and more self-compassion, less isolation, and more connectedness.
It is my life's purpose and passion to help you awaken and integrate in order to: reconnect with personal truth, reclaim self-worth, learn how to set and maintain healthy boundaries and empower yourself in order to trust and discern.
"With Debra's help, I have finally become the woman my younger self needed." ~ Marissa Gold
Life is an ever-evolving game of peekaboo.
Here's what awaits you inside the safe container of our coaching relationship:
• A dedicated and highly experienced professional with proven results to get you past your past.
• Highly attuned, deep listening. [I am able to hear well beyond just what is said.]
• Warm, empathic, compassionate guidance on your path.
• Uncanny "6th sense" insight, intuition, and clarity about you.
• A judgment-free, trauma-informed, soft space to land, reset, and co-regulate.
• A role model who walks the talk of self-love and authenticity.
• Weekly assignments and practices to keep you connected, focused, learning, and growing.
• Emails and messaging between sessions.
• A no-nonsense, laser-sharp, and direct approach.
• Well-honed wisdom that comes from decades of lived and learned experience.
• A mentor with a huge handbag loaded with tools. [including ones for fellow neurodivergents]
• An accountability partner who takes that sh*t very seriously.
• Fluency in the language and healing of trauma, feelings, sensations, and emotions.
I can honestly say I now have the greatest internal strength and connection I’ve ever had, and that is all because of the work I’ve done with Debra as my life and relationship coach.
After every session, I feel so much more self-loving, enlightened, empowered, and free. She has helped me unpack A LOT of my crap with a direct, open, and shame-free approach. She works with me to face my "demons" in the most beautiful way and I feel stronger than ever because of it. She also helps me recognize that no matter the magnitude of my issues, they are worthy of attention and care. She is passionate about what she does and it shows in her unique ability to provide me with amazing, useful insight and guidance. This is something I’ve struggled to find in traditional therapy.
erika natalie
GRATITUDE
"Integration is probably the most important developmental milestone that we have to work through. We have to bring back all those versions of ourself into one integrated self." ~ Brené Brown
some stuff about me...
My coaching, writing, creating, everything I live, breathe and offer is deeply informed by my felt sense of the tenderness and fragility of our humanity. Through a well-blended mélange of mind-body practices, my spirituality is a path of devotional practice to awakening and wholeness. But, I didn't arrive here early or easily.
Like so many of us, I was raised on a steady diet of emotional and psychological dysfunction. A covert, slow, and steady drip of judgment, hyper-criticism, and shame that was invisible to everyone, including me. I survived by navigating life through an unconscious, disconnected, disembodied fog of self-loathing — the same fog modeled so well for me by my parents.
Little did I know that I was to become the chain-cutter in my family — the one to break old cycles and choose a path of healing.
I received my professional coaching certification from the Robbins-Madanes Training Institute with certification in both the 100 and 200-hour programs and with special certification as a Marriage and Relationship Educator. I've also earned certifications as an Art Therapist from The New School, Meditation teacher through One World Academy in India, and 200 hr. Yoga instructor. In addition to my formal training, I have been greatly influenced and inspired by a plethora of incredible minds in their respective fields. I have acquired a practical understanding of many of their core principles and appropriate applications. Some of these great minds are: Carl Jung, Dr. Gabor Maté, Peter Levine, Brené Brown, Bessel van der Kolk, Philip Shepherd, Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen, Carl Rogers, Maya Angelou, Diana Fosha, Dan Siegel, Harville Hendrix, John Gottman, Marshall Rosenberg, Kristen Neff, Esther Perel, Joe Dispenza, Ram Dass, Dick Schwartz, Matt Licata, Stephen Porges, Tara Brach, Sharon Salzberg, Pema Chödrön, Dr. E [my personal therapist], and others.
However, I believe the most valuable 'training' I possess comes from my many decades of lived experience. Who I am as a woman and mentor is deeply rooted in the messy, colorful, imperfect, improper, creative, wild, difficult, and challenging life experiences I've had. From the gritty streets of NYC as a teen and young adult to later adulthood when I began to travel the world, adopt a spiritual and mindfulness practice, and shamelessly embrace all the 'New Age Woo'.
Spiritual retreats, seminars, workshops, the requisite pilgrimage along the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, ceremonies with Shaman, sweat lodges, walking on hot coals, a year-long yoga teacher training, Holotropic breathwork, a journey through India, psychics, mystics, and mediums, oneness, Buddhism, and non-duality thinking, the law of attraction, energy healers, crystals, sages, and sage, and omg the books — holy hell, so, so, so, many books.
To be honest, much of the time it felt good to be chasing gurus and seminar highs. But I learned the problem with a "blissed-out-transcendent-state" is that ultimately it's just a form of self-avoidance and distraction; the mind over [sacred] matter, controlling and commanding emotions like a puppeteer. It's an ungrounded and unsustainable state with zero roots planted in reality. Denying and disowning the darkness will never work out in the end. Eventually, shit hits the proverbial fan and we discover there's no magical mudra or mantra powerful enough to erase our pain.
Between the death of my father, and then the suicide of a beloved, I got knocked to my knees and had to finally figure out how to be with the pain in my life.
I discovered that my body and mind were severely disconnected and had been for a very long time. [I believe this is why my childhood memories are so few and far between.] I was carrying loads of heavy burden, shameful feelings, fragmented parts, and hyper-critical self-talk. I needed to learn how to really know myself without such crippling fear of my inner world. I needed to excavate, embrace and embody the deep truths I had buried long ago. I needed emotional agility, self-love, compassion, and an understanding that in order to feel whole I had to accept that my darkness was just as valid and important as my light.
I had to heal the most important relationship any of us will ever have — the one with Self.
This is the sacred awakening path, and real healing began to arrive once I learned how to build a bridge back to mySelf — ALL of mySelf — with love, tenderness, compassion, and curiosity.
I am honored and blessed to have the opportunity to mentor others along this path.
Besides coaching and writing (poetry is a first love), you will find me reading, teaching, hosting talks and workshops, yoga-ing, dancing, painting, drawing, designing, cooking [a surprise quarantine gift!], and trying to play the harmonica like Alanis. Some of my published writing appears on Elephant Journal, Thought Catalog, Gigantic Sequins, and Medium.
MENTORSHIP
YOU and ME 1:1
All feelings are welcome here!
We each enter the healing path at different places. You may be just starting out or, you might be a weary and well-worn traveler. Starting right where you are is perfect. I will help you to meet your edges and bravely move beyond them at a speed and pace that feels safe and right for you.
Together we will:
Uncover limiting beliefs, and learn about your rules, conditions, and expectations. We will get to know and better understand the intrusive and obsessive thoughts that swirl inside your head. We will discover where the chains of shame are holding you hostage. We will learn new ways to self-soothe and regulate your nervous system with practices that help you in the short and long term. We will excavate the wisdom and yet-to-be-alchemized gold inside your shadow.
All of these are LEARNED SKILLS and I will teach them to you.
Personal coaching is a tremendous investment in yourself
and you are worth it!
THE INTEGRATED SELF
MENTORSHIP PROGRAM
Atm, I am fully immersed in the wonderful world of neurodivergence coaching adults with ADHD. My schedule is full but please check here periodically for status updates.
Integration
Brings it all Home!
"Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life." Dr. Susan David
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A FEW FUN FACTS ABOUT ME
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When I was a kid I was 100% certain I'd become a veterinarian so that I could heal sick horses.
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Before I became a coach, I worked full-time as a photographer, artist and graphic designer."
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Chris Martin is my celebrity crush.
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My most treasured and sentimental possession is my grandmother's wedding band which she gave me near the end of her life.
You can take the girl out of Brooklyn, but....
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I have a special connection and affection for bees and even got a tattoo of one on my right forearm.
I have a smaller second tattoo that says, "love wins".
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I never say never. Oops.
In my younger years, I was an indie-alt-post-punk-rock-club-kid and regularly hung out backstage with dozens of [now] famous bands and musicians.
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Our Deepest Desire is Often Our Greatest Fear
